We all know Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann is a totally insane, scary-assed example of Batshit Crazy People Conservatives Think Are Fit To Govern.
She is their Evangelical Pin-Up Girl.
So what’s she up to now?
Oh, just declaring her love of the government shutdown, declaring her belief that these are indeed the End Times, and announcing that Obama can change laws just by Tweeting.
Obama is one talented motherfucker.
He can’t, as conservatives love to point out, give a speech without a teleprompter, but he can change 1000 page bills full of legalese with finely-crafted, enchanted 140-character Tweets.
Talk about your Magic Negroes……. damn, that is some crafty shit! Can the SCOTUS uphold those changes with Tweets, too, because that shit would be AWESOME.
Fuck that useless Congress, just tweet that shit, yo!
She also gave an interview to a Jan Markell on a Christian radio program called “Understanding the Times” , in which she declared that “as of today, the United States is willingly, knowingly, intentionally sending arms to terrorists, now what this says to me, I’m a believer in Jesus Christ, as I look at the End Times scripture, this says to me that the leaf is on the fig tree and we are to understand the signs of the times, which is your ministry, we are to understand where we are in God’s end time history.”
Damn, these End Times sure are slow.
We started sending arms to what we now know as Al Qaeda back when they were fighting the Soviets during
American Jesus‘ Ronald Reagan’s presidency ……why isn’t God smiting the shit out of us and rapturing his chosen Angels like Michele yet? Shit, he ought to be doing it double time, since American Jesus Ronald Reagan also did that whole Iran/Contra thing…..shouldn’t we get Double Apocalypse Coupon Points for that?
“The baton of global leadership has been passed by America to the Mullahs, the Marxist world, and other dark forces”, Bachmann says.
But wait – IT GETS BETTER!!
“Rather than seeing this as a negative, we need to rejoice, Maranatha, come Lord Jesus, His day is at hand. When we see up is down and right is called wrong, when this is happening, we were told this: that these days would be as the days of Noah.”
Obama may be a Kenyan Socialist Muslim Anti-Christ, but chillax, peeps…………. JEEBUS WILL SMITE THE HEALTHCARE AND TEH GAYS AND THROW YOU A KICK-ASS RAPTURE PARTY!!!!!!!!!
Reminder: As a self-proclaimed “Constitutional Conservative”, Bachmann is a member of the Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence and the Financial Services Committee.
THE PERMANENT SELECT COMMITEE ON INTELLIGENCE.
The future of this country is so fucked, and it’s not because of “Obamacare”.
It’s because we elect crazy religious zealots with no understanding of history, and they wind up on intelligence and science committees.
We are DOOMED.
Seriously, can we just get on with the rapture, because I’m ready for all of these Bachmann-like dolts to GTFO.