Dumb Lady Saying Dumb Shit Dumbly Needs To Shut Her Dumb Pie-Hole So She Won’T Look So Damn Dumb : Bachman Dumbass Overdrive Edition

We all know Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann is a totally insane, scary-assed example of  Batshit Crazy People Conservatives Think Are Fit To Govern.

She is their Evangelical Pin-Up Girl.

So what’s she up to now?


Oh, just declaring her love of the government shutdown, declaring her belief that these are indeed the End Times, and announcing that Obama can change laws just by Tweeting.


Batshit Bachmann


Obama is one talented motherfucker.

He can’t, as conservatives love to point out, give a speech without a teleprompter, but he can change 1000 page bills full of legalese with finely-crafted, enchanted 140-character Tweets.

Talk about your Magic Negroes……. damn, that is some crafty shit! Can the SCOTUS uphold those changes with Tweets, too, because that shit would be AWESOME.

Fuck  that useless Congress, just tweet that shit, yo!




She also gave an interview to a  Jan Markell on a Christian radio program called “Understanding the Times” , in which she declared that “as of today, the United States is willingly, knowingly, intentionally sending arms to terrorists, now what this says to me, I’m a believer in Jesus Christ, as I look at the End Times scripture, this says to me that the leaf is on the fig tree and we are to understand the signs of the times, which is your ministry, we are to understand where we are in God’s end time history.”

Damn, these End Times sure are slow.

We started sending arms to what we now know as Al Qaeda back when they were fighting the Soviets during  American Jesus‘ Ronald Reagan’s presidency ……why isn’t God smiting the shit out of us and rapturing his chosen Angels like Michele yet? Shit, he ought to be doing it double time, since American Jesus  Ronald Reagan also did that whole Iran/Contra thing…..shouldn’t we get Double Apocalypse Coupon Points for that?

“The baton of global leadership has been passed by America to the Mullahs, the Marxist world, and other dark forces”, Bachmann says.

But  wait – IT GETS BETTER!!

“Rather than seeing this as a negative, we need to rejoice, Maranatha, come Lord Jesus, His day is at hand. When we see up is down and right is called wrong, when this is happening, we were told this: that these days would be as the days of Noah.”


Obama may be a Kenyan Socialist Muslim Anti-Christ, but chillax, peeps…………. JEEBUS WILL SMITE THE HEALTHCARE AND TEH GAYS AND THROW YOU A KICK-ASS RAPTURE PARTY!!!!!!!!!


 Reminder: As a self-proclaimed “Constitutional Conservative”,  Bachmann is a member of the Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence and the Financial Services Committee.







The future of this country is so fucked, and it’s not because of “Obamacare”.

It’s because we elect crazy religious zealots with no understanding of history, and they wind up on intelligence and science committees.

We are DOOMED.


Seriously, can we just get on with the rapture, because I’m ready for all of these Bachmann-like dolts to GTFO.

Meme of the Day

slimdown L. jackson

Ted Cruz: ShutDown Struggler

Ted Cruz is really in pain over this shutdown, and he wants to show the common man how he’s hunkering down in his office, ready to brave this out with no pages or staff to fetch him Tripple Venti Shiatzu Lambourghini Latte’s from Lobbyistbucks Overcompensating Coffee Emporium every time he snaps his well-manicured fingers, so he posted THIS on his Book of Faces page:


Cruz care package 2

Many, many thanks to Gov. Sarah Palin for your friendship, support, and the care package!
Our office is now well-stocked for #HarryReidsShutdown.

He is totally in touch with how this shutdown ( #HARRYREID’SSHUTDOWN !) will affect already struggling Americans, and he’s showing his solidarity with them.

Because nothing says “I am in touch with the struggles of furloughed workers and mothers and children cut off from WIC” like posting pictures of fancy smoked salmon and other goodies shipped from the frozen tundra of Alaska to your cozy congressional office from the Queen of the $300,000 Speaking Gigs with Luxury Suite and Bendy-Straw Riders, Moossellini Palin.

I mean, working through a shutdown YOU caused while munching on smoked delicacies and drinking top-shelf juices from a carefully selected, most likely tax-deductible gift assortment, is JUST like wondering how you’re going to afford the skim milk, cheese, and Cheerios you couldn’t really afford before you were accepted into the WIC program and will now have to scramble to buy now that WIC is first on the Compassionate Conservative chopping block.


You go, Ted Cruz.
Share your pain.
We feel you.





What Has Been Seen Cannot Be Unseen

Thank God and a good stockpile of eye-bleach that there’s no twerking.


Whoops – You’ve Got Some Vagina On Your Opinion There, Hon.

“From time to time we’ll stick the wrong word in the wrong place, and you pounce upon it” 

-Rick Perry, walking back his wife’s assertion that women do indeed have the right to choose abortion even if she herself is opposed to it.

Rick Perry

Score on for the patriarchy.

Over the weekend, Anita Perry gave an interview at the Texas Tribune Festival in Austin, and the subject of abortion came up.  When asked by reporter Evan Smith about abortion and women’s rights, Perry answered “That’s really difficult for me, Evan, because I see it as a women’s right. If they want to do that, that is their decision; they have to live with that decision.”

Evans then gave her the opportunity to clarify :

“Mrs. Perry, I want to be sure you didn’t just inadvertently make news, Are you saying that you believe abortion is a women’s right, to make that choice?”

And clarify Mrs. Perry did:

 “Yeah, that could be a women’s right. Just like it’s a man’s right if he wants to have some kind of procedure. But I don’t agree with it, and that’s not my view.”

Shorter Anita Perry:

“Women have the right to choose, and they live with that choice. I wouldn’t choose it, but that’s me”.

Pretty self-explanatory.

Of course some outlets chose to leave off the part where she says “I don’t agree with it, and that’s not my view”, and I can understand  Rick Perry defending her on that.

But the video  is very clear……….she said what she meant to say, and she meant what she said, and it’s crappy to throw your wife under the bus and make her look like a dumb blonde who can’t handle the ins and outs of an interview. She’s no newbie, Rick…….that wasn’t her first rodeo, and it’ s disrespectful to turn her into a media victim to please your far-right loony supporters.

I give her credit for at least acknowledging that there are two sides to the coin, and that judgement of those on the flip side of the coin is not prudent.

Kudos, Mrs. Perry.

Your husband is still a huge douche, though.

And we haven’t forgotten about Niggerhead, either.


GOP Tantrum Shuts Down the Government




I’m really dissastisfied with the way Time Warner keeps moving and dropping channels, bundling the few channels I really want with a bunch of Scandinavian Lute-making channels I’ll never watch but have to take in order to get BBC America and Sundance and Logo and then constantly jacking their rates around coupled with ridonk wait times for customer service.
Know what I’m gonna do?
Not only am I not going to pay them, I’m not going to pay ANY of my bills until Time Warner gives in to my demands and gives me everything I want exactly the way I want it.
That will show them.

DC Martin for Congress 2014.
“Because I make as much sense as any of those assholes!”



Like a screaming children throwing a tantrum in the middle of Wal mart because mom said “No” to the Ring Dings, XBox, and the Monster High Deluxe Create-A Lab, the GOP has allowed the government to shut down rather than give up their RIDONK attempts to de-fund “Obamacare”. They have brought it up for repeal 44 times, and every time they have been smacked down. The bill was passed, the bill was signed, the bill was challenged, the bill was deemed constitutional by the SCOTUS…………….

SHUT THE FUCK UP already, geeze.

Let’s furlough hundreds of thousands of workers and close down national monuments because the GOP is a pack of sore losers who don’t GAF about anything but their egos.  I am so over these people and their petty partisan bullshit, and their “compassionate conservatism” bullshit facades.

There is nothing compassionate about denying struggling people access to healthcare.

There is nothing compassionate about cutting needy children, families, and seniors from the SNAP program.

There is nothing compassionate about slashing access to WIC.

There is nothing compassionate about worshiping Ayn Rand and giving speeches about bootstraps from the comfort of an office you only need for 180 out of the year because your bootstraps have been bought and paid for by corporations that would rather ship jobs overseas than pay  living wages (or corporate taxes).

There is nothing compassionate about today’s GOP machine.

Individuals? Yes.

But the machine? It’s about as corrupt and soulless as Keyser Soze, but nowhere near as smart.


Picture of the Day

Justice denied

Getting Away With Murder



Well, that’s that.

You can kill your kid and party for days before reporting your kid “missing” and get away with it.

You can profile a kid, stalk him after the cops tell you your “help” is not needed, shoot him to death, and get away with it.

But fire a warning shot into your ceiling when your abusive husband, (for whom you have a protective order against) won’t leave, and you get 20 years.



Warning shot conviction


Making Texas look REALLY intelligent right now.